Life lessons my kids taught me

OUR firstborn Lyca recently took the oath as a lawyer after passing the bar exams at the age of 23. After her induction into the legal profession, we literally freaked out on finding out that her bar rating was 0.08 percent away from the topnotcher’s score. Her score was 85.9166 percent while the topnotcher tails at 86 percent. Who would not regret that a negligible numerical gap, which in tests and measurements is regarded as a mere margin of error, could have created a milestone in her life story permanently and marked her legacy in her alma mater, the University of the Asia and the Pacific? But the experience of joy emotionally overwhelmed everyone to overrule the regret that was in the air. Gratitude, and everything else positive, was the most logical feeling worthy of celebration. More importantly, the experience taught us life lessons.

This article is not about my children who taught me lessons. It is about parents and their willingness to learn important life lessons from their children who may have just learned life and living from their parents. This column will not depart from its science-based assertion for readers’ learning and value.

Adults as learners

Adults learn differently and not in ways we experienced learning in school. Adults don’t learn the way children do. There are different sciences that govern them. Our traditional education is anchored on learning to know, to do, to be, and to live together. Beyond, one of the most important competencies to master is learning to learn. In the highly volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous and hostile world, referred to as VUCAH, the value of our ability to learn, unlearn and relearn needs to be over-emphasized, in what Alvin Toffler describes as literacy of the future.

Literacy in the past revolved around our reading, writing and arithmetic skills. While traditional literacy serves as the building blocks for all other literacies, they are not enough. Literacy involves a continuum of learning in enabling individuals to achieve their aspirations and goals, to develop their knowledge and potential, and to understand and participate fully in their community and wider society, which is now even expanded by the infinite virtual and cyberspace.

Learning, like development, is and must be intentional. Purposive. Lifelong learning refers to all learning activities undertaken throughout life for the development of competencies and qualifications where competencies cover the knowledge, skills and knowhow applied and mastered in a specific context, and qualifications mean a formal expression of the vocational or professional abilities of a worker which is recognized at international and national or sectoral levels.

There are three central themes about adults as learners. First, adults have lots of experiences which make them unique learners. They change from within and tend to test new learning with what they already know. They want to be challenged but they best operate in a supportive environment. Second, adults want to focus on real-life here-and-now problems and tasks. Adults use learning as means to an end. They are into “what’s in it for them.” Lastly, adults are accustomed to being active and self-directing learners. They allow mistakes and derive lessons from experiences. They should be allowed to do and experience things — bringing to life the adage that experience is the best teacher.

Indeed, the best teacher, experience, can also be the worst. We never liked teachers who give tests first before their lessons. Incidentally, that is how experience teaches — test first before the lessons. And we fail tests of life, then we learn the lessons. An alternative to the best teacher is the experience of other people, who already learned their lessons for us to learn from.

How adults learn

Adult learning theory was introduced by David Kolb. The four-phase adult learning cycle starts with concrete experience that leads to reflective observation. Then, abstract conceptualization sets in to enable active experimentation, which creates new concrete experience. And the cycle goes on and on.

Critical to adult learning is the valuing of experiences. Without which the movement through the cycle stops. Once experience is valued and appreciated, reflection comes in handy which sharpens thinking toward theorizing that enables logical decisions toward concrete action and risk-taking experimentation.

The appreciative experience my family had with my daughter’s passing the bar exam led to a reflection and conceptualization that what looks like a negligible value may mean everything. The life lessons remain and the valuing of the smallest matter is now embedded in our family culture.

Focus is needed to converge attention into a learning goal through the experience. Openness and search for more and beyond follow to expand the learning experience. This then shifts to integrate learning using our higher ability to put together, known as synthesizing capabilities. Generalization results leading to our readiness to act.

Our kids as my teachers

Our only son Lambert taught me the lesson that “better is better than best” when we had to decide and choose between staying in a regular class section (where he is the best) or transferring to the honors section (where he may not be the best but he can be better). He chose to be better in a “cream section” of La Salle Green Hills where he may not be able to stay on top but challenged him to be better.

Our third daughter Lyza taught me the beautiful lesson that “when you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, find the light within and be that light.” This 18-year-old wisdom came out during our Kumu program in the middle of the pandemic when we were all in panic.

Our youngest Lyra taught me that “bucket lists should be unique in the pursuit of our unique personal identity.” This was her response to the stereotypical regard of her professor upon knowing her family name at UST where I graduated.

Yes, even our children can teach us great lessons.

And my wife? She taught me many lessons with a central theme — authentic love.